"what music do you like?" is such a stressful question like what do you want to know??? genres?? artists?? albums??? time periods?? 25 most played?? what i’m currently listening to??? what i listen to at different times of the day?? be more specific??????
after another restless night (yes, I seem to have developed a bad habit of being on the computer too late, causing my mind to be way too hyperactive by the time I hit the sack), I overslept and decided to skip school - it was raining and I would have only made it to the last two hours anyway.
so I spent this Wednesday on the couch watching Finding Nemo and Shrek 2. probably not so well-deserved, but relaxing nonetheless.
I’ve realized that seeing the deterioration of other people’s relationships hurts almost as much as experiencing that of my own. lately I’ve been hearing a lot about people losing contact and basically just not liking each other anymore. in one way it’s humbling to know that, yeah, actually you aren’t the only person on the planet who struggles with the why and how of suddenly growing apart from those you once considered yourself really close to. but on the other hand, the thought of people who share so many experiences and memories going off, losing contact and finding what I more or less view as “replacements” in their lives makes me sad.
I know it’s a part of life and that staying in the same place with the same people forever would not make me or anyone else happy. but the concept of change and a healthy development is one that I often struggle with, especially now when I’ve gradually shifted into a new stage of life after graduating high school. trying to maintain my friendships as I explore and develop new ones has been tricky, yet I know that those which are genuine and important enough are bound to last.
think it’s got to do with my expectations and resentment towards change. truth be told I’d probably be fine just keeping everything in this perfect little buddle where everyone loves each other and nothing or no one ever changes. but unfortuantley that’s not how it works. for various reasons, sometimes even for no reason at all, people grow apart and move on. all of a sudden, you start to forget about someone who once consumed your thoughts constantly. all of a sudden, someone who once needed you no longer does. all of a sudden, something feels off.
the thing is, I’ve done the whole trying-to-hold-on-just-the-sake-of-not-having-to-accept-change thing, and in the end I regretted not letting go of certain people and certain situations sooner. don’t get me wrong, I have friendships with people I very much want to keep alive and thriving. but I think I need to think more carefully about who I choose to make the effort to stay in contact with, as well as not take these kinds of “deteriorations” so personally. I need to realize that relationships and group dynamics can’t be planned out and preserved to perfection, no matter how much I try to control them. after all, they’re developments in the long run and flat out unavoidable.